Embracing the Grieving Process
Navigating Loss with Courage and Compassion
Grief. Just saying the word can make you feel tired. It’s heavy, the weight of it. It's a word that carries so many vastly different emotions, yet it remains shrouded in a taboo status in our society. In grief, we can also feel sadness, feel guilt, feel deep anger, be thankful, or relieved. We often bury our grief and suffer in silence, afraid to show our vulnerability or afraid of what others will think of our emotions. What if we are burdening others with our pain? What if I cry and they feel uncomfortable? But the truth is, grief is a natural response to loss, and it's time we start talking about it openly and honestly. It can surprise you who is willing to care for you in a way you need or might feel honored to hold space for you in your grief. Learning what you need in your grief is the first step forward.
The (Potentially) Lonely Path of Grief
One of the most isolating aspects of grief is the feeling that nobody understands what you're going through. Yes, most are touched by loss, but since everyone feels it differently, no one will truly know what you are going through. It can be incredibly lonely to navigate the depths of your emotions and have others expect you to "move on '' or "get over it" too quickly. But here's the thing: grief doesn't work on a timeline. Each person's journey is unique, and healing takes time.
Of course we would hope that those who care for us will know exactly what to do to support you in the way you need. But alas, people are not mind readers. Often, they may feel helpless and might fall back on cliche platitudes. No amount of “everything happens for a reason” and “they are in a better place” will relieve you of your grief. In fact, I often hear that the bereaved feel hurt or angry when (well-meaning) people say these things. This is why it is important that you are clear in what you need and how your loved ones can best support you. If you are unsure of what might be most helpful or have difficulties setting boundaries around your grief, it may be a sign that you need support in processing your experience and grief counseling might be helpful.
Honoring Your Personal Grief Style
Just as grief is personal, so are the styles in which we grieve. Some have high ebbs and flows of emotions while others take a slower approach or feel numb. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's crucial to embrace your own process. Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions in whatever way feels natural to you.
When my grandmother died, many people were shocked that I was not grieving more heavily. It's not that I didn't love my grandmother deeply. It was that I had already mourned her loss during the years leading up to her death. She had dementia, which took her personality, memories, and connection to us. It took her joy and what made her the lovely woman that cared for me. And so, when she passed, I did not feel sadness but a calming sense of relief. She wasn't confused or scared anymore and for that, I was thankful. Most were supportive, but a few people didn't understand how I could feel this way. When someone died you were “supposed” to be sad. But it wasn't their grief, it was mine, and it wasn't their place to tell me how I should feel. I processed my feelings in a way that felt right for me. Just because others expect death to impact you in a certain way doesn't mean you should change how you are grieving to make them more comfortable.
Standing Strong Against Impatience
Unfortunately, our society is often impatient with grief. Okay, we are actually failing in many aspects of supporting grieving folks. We don’t talk about death, make space for it, or prepare for it. Some quickly shy away from talking about the dead for fear that it will upset the bereaved. I have spoken to many people that wish everyday that someone would ask them about their loss or would want to hear stories about the person who is gone. Well-meaning friends and family may try to rush the grieving process, urging you to move forward before you are ready. It's essential to remember that healing can't be hurried. It's a gradual process, and it's okay to take as much time as you need. Stand firm and assert your needs, making space for your grief and allowing yourself to heal at your own pace.
The Universality of Grief
Everyone will experience a loss to some degree in our lives. It is inevitable. Understanding grief is key to navigating its complex terrain. It's not just about mourning the loss of a loved one; it can also be triggered by the loss of a job, a relationship, or even a dream. Acknowledging the universality of grief can help create a more compassionate and understanding society. By recognizing that grief is a natural part of the human experience, we can support one another through the darkest of times.
Counseling: A Path Forward
One powerful tool in moving through grief is counseling. Grief counseling provides a space to explore the multitudes of emotions, learn healthy coping mechanisms, and advocate for yourself. A trained counselor can guide you through the grieving process, helping you navigate the waves of emotions and challenges that arise. They can offer guidance on self-care, provide strategies for managing depression and anxiety, and help you make meaning of your experience so that you can integrate your grief into your “new normal.”.
Growing Around Grief
It's important to remember that grief doesn't simply go away; rather, we learn to grow around it. As time passes, the intensity of the emotions may lessen, but the experience becomes a part of who we are. We are forever changed by our experience. Grief becomes intertwined with our story, shaping us into stronger, more compassionate individuals.
If you're currently navigating the rough waters of grief, know that you are not alone. Seek out support, whether through counseling, support groups, or trusted friends and family. Surround yourself with understanding souls who can walk beside you on this journey. Remember, healing takes time, but by acknowledging and embracing your grief, you can find your way to a place of hope and healing.
Need Help From Someone Who Understands?
Working with a therapist at any stage of grief can make a huge difference in your grief experience. If you re ready, we can work together to begin your healing process and learn what this experience means for you. If you would like to work with a therapist with intimate knowledge of grief, connect with me today. You can learn more about me here or schedule a free consultation below.
