The Bulldozer in Your Life (and Maybe It's You?)

That need to control everything might be doing more harm than good.

Let's be real, who hasn't worn the badge of "independent" with pride? Especially for those of us who came up in the Gen X and Millennial eras, there was this almost glorified idea of being able to handle everything ourselves. Pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, being a self-made [insert impressive adjective here]. But lately, I've been thinking… maybe that badge is actually weighing us down.

Photo by gaspar zaldo on Unsplash

I’ve seen it, and honestly, I’ve lived it. That tendency to just take over. In projects at work, planning with friends, even in our closest relationships. We become the bulldozer. We see a problem, or even just a potential problem, and we just… move it. We take charge, make the decisions, and sometimes, let’s be honest, we steamroll right over the people around us.

It might feel efficient in the moment. Hell, you might even tell yourself it’s the reason you are successful. You know you can get shit done, and maybe you even believe you can do it best. But what’s the cost?

Think about your relationships. Have you ever noticed a pattern where you end up feeling resentful because you’re always the one organizing, the one remembering the details, the one making things happen? And on the other side, have you ever wondered why the people around you don’t seem to step up more?

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes our hyper-independence actually prevents others from participating fully. Sometimes, this can even contribute to a version of learned helplessness in the people around us because we tend to jump in and handle things before they have a chance to try for themselves. When we consistently take over, it can unintentionally send the message that they aren’t capable or that it’s easier to rely on us instead. When we’re always in the driver’s seat, others can easily become passengers – or worse, feel like they’re not even invited on the trip.

I know, for some of us, that need to be in control comes from a deep-seated place. Maybe we’ve been let down in the past. Maybe we learned early on that the only person we could truly rely on was ourselves. So, we built these walls of self-sufficiency, becoming these immovable objects, powerful and seemingly always in charge. The idea is, if you're the one holding all the cards, no one can hurt you, right?

Hyper-independence is often praised in our society, where self-sufficiency and a "get-it-done" attitude are seen as strengths. But what feels like empowerment can also become a trap, pushing us to reject help and isolate ourselves. 

But here’s the thing: constantly being the bulldozer is exhausting. It leads to burnout. It strains our relationships because collaboration becomes nearly impossible. And it stunts our own growth because we never learn to truly rely on others or experience the richness of shared effort.

Plus, let’s be honest, is it a little bit about thinking we know best? That underlying belief that maybe, just maybe, we’re a little more capable, a little more on top of things than everyone else? It's a slippery slope that can isolate us and make others feel inadequate.

So, what’s the alternative? It’s about recognizing that we have limits. That it’s okay – and actually healthy – to ask for help. It’s about having those sometimes uncomfortable conversations about sharing responsibilities and letting go of the need to be the sole problem-solver.

It’s about trading in the bulldozer for a collaborator. It’s about building genuine partnerships where everyone feels valued and empowered to contribute. It might feel scary at first, loosening those reins of control. But trust me, the relief of shared burdens and the depth of stronger connections are so worth it.

Maybe it’s time we all took a look at our own level of independence and asked ourselves: is this serving me, or is it actually bulldozing my way through life and relationships?

So, are you a bulldozer? Do you know a bulldozer? Are you just realizing you might be a bulldozer?

Originally posted on Substack.

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